I know that you are lying to me.
i can see it in every little interaction.
It’s ok though, because it makes what I’m planning a lot easier.
am i giving up because my suspicions have been confirmed?
or am i using it as my excuse to walk away?
I’m honestly not sure myself. but why exactly do i feel guilty?
because for once the stars aligned in my favor, and it left you in a shadow.
as if every little
skipped heart beat
sacharin sweet compliment
sheet wrenching orgasm
was based in a fucking lie?
I’ve never been anything more than a fuck to you.
and for awhile, i actually let my sad childish heart
that you might actually love me
even though everything says otherwise.
and now that someone else is stepping up, and reminding me that there is so much more to feel
i don’t think i care.
i know i don’t.
i just have to tell my heart that.
It’s always darkest before the dawn
But I think the sun missed a stop
The violets won’t bloom when the moon’s high
And there’s no sunrise on the horizon
The delicate petals withered away
The leaves dried and curled
the violets shrunk to nothing basking in the moonlight
And all that remains of the little flower are some shallow roots and a wilted stem
There aren’t even words for how much I hate you. What is the logic behind going through my shit? Please, explain it to me because I sure as fuck can’t see a logical reason. Uggggghhhh. Hate. Why am I paying rent exactly?
I wish I could stop waking up…
I don’t want to breath
Just want to stop existing.
I don’t get it. I didn’t do anything and you’re attacking me. This makes no sense.
I’m tired. Unbelievably tired. My head always hurts, and my heart always aches. I’m a shell of who I used to be. Now, stuck in this situation, trying to find a place to live, I just don’t know if I can do this. I don’t like the idea of moving into an apartment with mom, but I don’t have a choice anymore. I just need to find one that I can afford when she decides to leave me stranded again.
In all honesty, there isn’t a single reason that the final step isn’t a good idea…